window that's open with no winds blowing in...

18th May 2006...1am - online , searching infos, tuning to youtube.com which has whole lot of chunted and coolest video clips...haha...

2am - the final of the UEFA Champions League match between Barcelona and Arsenal..a match of stupid refering, un called- offsides and two lousy goals by Barcelona and a stunning set piece by Henry and executed by Campbell..anyway...Arsenal turns from Hero to Zero , where their 10 match unbeaten and cleansheets, has ended with losing the world most lucrative tournament trophy, The UEFA Champions League CUP 2006.
maybe next year Wenger~

5-6.30am - hibernating for just 1 and half hour..biasa lar..my notebook also need to be fully charged in 1 hours 30 time wert.. ^_0'

7.00-11am - UTAR Faculty of Arts and Science Orientation day...!!! went there with the feeling and excitement of meeting and making new and old friends..but ended up..bringing back worriness of my uncertain future.
Met a girl named Ewa , a senior of psychology..maded friends in just a few minutes chat..she's ok..im ok..and we're seems to be ok ..haha

The briefing from the representative of each department gave their speech and presentation regarding UTAR facilities and policies..and one not to be forgoten..the one briefing which was givien by the school representative of my faculty
he sounded abit gayed and looks like the Uruk-Hai of the Lord of the Rings film.
well..i hope he's not..if not sure kena screw and boycott in Uni if he sees this ~

12pm- skipped mass call and hang out outside with myself, julio, suet mun , sum yee and JUNNY, the girl i just befriended with,..can't forget her cute way of singing and talking..~~ anyway..dun judge me wrong..she's taken adi..got love bite liao..bwahhwahaw~ shh...nanti dia nampak..
with boredomm and blurness running through our mind and could not seems to find a way to solve it...we let our stomach take control...we went ss2 for branch= breakfast + lunch...wonders who created this word..keke~

i joke, we jokes, i laugh, we laughs, im a crapper, yes we are crappers ~..and in need we are now a UNI student..

the thing that bugged me the most is that..after seeing and knowing how my Faculty actually looked like after some dreadful months of waiting in the darkness...i guess..i have to remains sitted in the darkness for extra 2 years now...
Utar Utar..why don't they just provide extra facilities to students..such as better equiptment of audio and video lab....rather than ping pong tables...building up basketball courts or organizing events..it's a UNI which has no campus life...or should i say."Entah bagaimana saya nak menerungi perjalanan yang kurang stabli dan juga penuh dengan cabaran dan dugaan dari semua graduates yang serba boleh ini...

class starting soon..i hope that everything will be alrite and will turns to become my norm and daily routine...if not..im gonna be damm sad~

Why does it have to be like this....

From the day i was born...until now...i've been asking
myself..."do i know my family well"?
it's already been 20 years...and this issue has been co-running in my mind lately..
it's not that i dun really care and think of my family all the time...
is that the time we spend together..for me..i think it's less...

13 years of my life..i had been studying..laze around...hangs around...fool around...and fail my subjects around..
so..after came back from National Service..i've began to think and wonder..and tell myself..Lionel...you must come back to life and live a life to its fullest...

i've been tru it..i tried..i work hard...get good results in my diploma..and now going to pursue my degree soon...
well..i guess u all don't quite understand with what im trying to say right..of cosz ler..i not yet get in my main point mahz...or the topic....don't call me dad...

my dad has been in the field of logistic from the day i was born..everything went from up to down..and few years back things went smoothly..we had a great life and my family gets basically what we wanted..except for me..wanted a car..but i din ask..so i din get =p..stupid me..
but..everything went wrong since the day i began to realise myself this..that "i should really helped my dad in his work"....

i have many choices in life i should say...from girls ...to...education...to things i wanna buy..to food i wanna eat.everything needs to be made and make..out of the word " CHOICE"

but..why everytime im not making the right choice or decision..when it comes to helping my dad...
2 years already passed...the days that i eventually helped my dad is just around 5 times... suck rite...being a child of his..

what makes me write this thing is that...he just got home...normal time on friday night..where he usually goes to pub to so called release his stress and problems by drinking...i called him - PA - , as usual..but this time..his reaction is different from other days which he replied - hey or hie - back...this time...he said this "......don't call me me dad.....it's not worth it"

when i heard him say this..i was stunned..he never said such things to me..but i know deep down in his heart..he thought of me that way..which is..what kind of child did i raise up now...useless and not helping me at all in my work..

haihz...dad...i know im lazy..and been hanging around..doing nothing.....not doing the things i've been wanting to be,..like...look for a scholarship from overseas uni or local ones...looks for part time job....get ready for uni......do housework...but..eventually today....i just freaking waste time hanging around at home..watching Malaysia lose out to Denmark today..freaking 6 hours of time wasted by watching them...

......i know things can't be changed that easy...i know what im majoring now is totally different by what you are doing...is not like i don't like your job...is that..i need time dad...im still a student...and i know i should help u...
tru here.i wanna say...im sorry....for dissapointing you...i could not really say it out face to face..as it's part of our family culture..we are born to be like tat...and it won't change or happen in a day or two...it takes years to change a family lifestyle...

what should i do...i think i should regain from myself..and do what really best for my family..
but what gonna happen to my diploma..or degree...this is the time where i could really make myself proud of my exam results...
man....last 2 years was my finest years of all...scored great results
in my exams..first time in my 18 years of life...and im being humble
to myself..and not showing off..
which my friends still thinks im doing so..bugger!!! . . .
thanks to different culture of education people....

well..i slack in putting effort in things...but..i do really have to intentions and would like to achieve something from nothing...

sorry dad..i know you asked me to work last nite..and i pretend like you did not ask me...
give me another chance dad...ask me again..and i will say "YES" this time...
oh Lord..give me another chance...im sorry for what i've done..but..i know..that u have plans ahead.....im still shock...stunned..can't believe what he said to me..i guess this is just me...the lionel that you guys want to know..and discover..the lame..lonely..lazy lionel...

-endz-

The day you just need to think..think..

sitting at home, woke up at 1pm as usual again..thinking bout what should i do today..
a series of smses woke me up from my weird unromantically dream which normally people calls nightmare..but i called it...nonsense.. tune to mtv for almost 5-6 hours. laughed, saddened and worried bout what should i really do and response in the problems that are facing by most of the teenagers in the world..or maybe just Malaysia..

quarelled with someone i quarelled for almost 2 years again...everything seems turning away from good, to bad, and worse now..i thought we could make it through it..until the end of days, end of time together..but infact..it did not really happen...this is like the 20th time she said..."let's break up" . . which i had already no feeling and my reaction is still the same..don't care bout it..but..somehow..i think this is the most serious ones which i just heard..

well..forget bout that...sitting down in the couch..don't know what to do...Uni is commencing soon, and with my freaking idiotic thinking that keeps on stopping me from achieving my goals..had to go and leave me one day..and i hope it leaves me a.s.a.p . . as i can't stand any longer anymore....

i wanna be like them, wanna be like what people wanted themselves to be...have a dream...and pursuing their dream day by day...
wondering when can i only be like them..have a dream myself to and be proud of myself one day...why things had to end like this..everyday..people needs to sleep and people needs to eat..why can't i just enjoy each and every moment like any other mutants in this world do...

so...to cut this short...dream big lionel..be proud of what you really are and appreciate those who are staring at you , talking bout you and all the things that you have...be beautiful and macho at the same time. don't let negative thoughts blow your mind away..but let the soul of the body gets you there...into the world of what people normally search for...the world of human nature in the City..

i wanna be a soul mover..moving towards excellence and togetherness.

F o r e v e r * * F r i e n d s

28 - 4 - 2006 - until the end of time -

"wahai rakan kawan yang ku-sayangi,
selama dua tahun kita bersama....
menempuhi segala detik yang manis,
dan juga pengalaman yang berharga....

Dari detik pertama kita bertemu,
hamba tahu,
yang hati mu...
tetap akan berada dalam hati ku.....

WalauBagaimanapun......WalauBagaimanapun....

walaupun masa,
tidak mengizinkan kita..
yang pentingnya persahabatan ,
dapat di bina ......

di mana anda jua berada,
disampingmu
akanku ingati
selama-lama nya..

sehingga ke penghujung pangkal jalan..."

To all my dearest Tunku Abdul Rahmanfriends thati've made throughout this short years,,,above is just a short poem that i just wrote...(sounds abit silly)..but hope that it could represent and showed my loving soul to you guys..all the best my friends...till we meetagain,t@kE cA2e~~ luv Lionel.** b a b y p l o y